Challenges

Time has gone by so quickly. Where do I start? How many times have I thought, oh, I will write this or that in my blog, but maybe tomorrow...

We are now moved in and settled into the Trailer, or as someone fondly tried to call it 'The Cottage'. From now until Oct our house will be a vacation rental - a great way to take advantage of our beautiful, freshly built home and make a little cash. I was very keen on doing this for the summer, but after spending days and days getting the house ready and organizing our belongings I got really tired and a little depressed. The first day in our new place I had an 'inner' meltdown and really questioned what the hell we were doing. But then after some much needed rest and a little perspective, I came to my senses and remembered that this is what I wanted. I feel incredibly thankful that we can do this, since its Jordan's dads Trailer and rent free! This is the Trailer that Jordan lived in when he was small and his father built his own house (which took 10 years!). So here we are and my mantra for the summer is to live simply.

Being a first time mum, I find myself in a totally new and unknown world. It is a challenge. Sometimes I feel really alone; I have good days and I have bad. Yet when I look into Jonas's eyes I feel so much love and satisfaction. I seem to always catch myself with too high of expectations - I am learning to let things go a little more, to relax a little more. I tell myself its only been 16 weeks and everything will eventually regulate. My moods will smooth over and become more consistent. These last few days have been so grey and rainy and I find myself feeling low as well. Yet last week, the sun was out, we went outdoors and I felt totally rejeuvenated. I realize its all about restructuring my life, almost like a reconstruction. I need to keep working on it and stay conscious of the fact that its a process and that takes time. I don't have to feel lonely or bored when its raining. There are other ways to be. I know that. I just need to get there.