17 Weeks

Jonas! You are amazing. Rolling from front to back, talking non stop, insisting on standing and chewing on fingers...you are a busy, busy boy! You now have one or two LONG naps a day (2-3hrs...nursing during!) and a couple short 20 minute naps. You are still a fierce feeder and you never go longer than 3 hours without nursing. It wasn't so long ago that we were just learning how to nurse and OooHH it sometimes really hurt, but now its as if we have been doing this forever. Nursing is one of the most natural things I have ever experienced and it feels really good to have this closeness to you. There are a couple of books that you enjoy and will actually sit right through to the end! You enjoy your baby massage class (you are the only boy and you pee on me at least once a class!) You do well in your car seat and are easy to travel with, except if you have just had an explosion in your pants - then you are mad!!! You also still sleep with us and I doubt that will change anytime soon. You are no longer loud, but you do kick at times. We love sharing our bed with you and I could not imagine it any other way! We are so in love with you and I am so happy that we are all so in tune with each others needs during this incredible time. Its so tiring, yet so exciting, yet so fulfilling and, well, just so many things and I think that that is why this is such an intense period...
It's all coming together. We love you!

Being Honest

A pattern of renewal seems to have taken form in my life. I am rested and rejuvenated on Monday. By Friday I am feeling low and a little loopy crazy. Saturday and Sunday I regain my sanity. The moments that I can be alone are proving to be extremely valuable in my transition into motherhood. I love motherhood; its totally fulfilling, unmatched to anything else. I have alot of love to give, but just like anyone, I need a source for refuel. Mothers need to recharge as well.

Jonas picks up on this energy of mine. By Friday he was fussing what seemed like nonstop. I was near tears, bored and tired. Luckily Jordan was close by and left work an hour early. He took Jonas for a walk and I had some quiet time to eat a meal and be in silence. We went to the Spit, walked and then the three of us laid on the grass under the evening sun and I felt better. Jonas was happy, everyone was happy. It didn't take much to feel better. It's those moments to myself that I need most when I am feeling overwhelmed.

Saturday found us all in bed until 9AM. We picked strawberries, went to the library, out for a couple walks and I even got in a work out! Fathers Day was fun - we spent it in Campbell River. Bought our veggies at the Farmers Market, went climbing and then out for dinner at some funky seafood restaurant in the marina. Didn't even know it existed. Ate crab for the first time in years! The weekend was exactly what we all needed.

Today is Monday and I feel refuelled and ready for the week! I thank Jordan and my huge family for all their love and support and understanding in this new journey into the Mother Zone.

A Fresh New Day...

Never before have I lived by these words as I do now. Each day is a chance for a new start, no matter what happened or how I felt the day before, today is fresh and new!

Some exciting news I forgot to mention:

My parents and my sister and her family are moving to Courteny this fall. Right now they live in Rossland which is in the Kootenys. They've always wanted to live on the island but they wanted to stay close to a ski hill...so Courtney is the place to be. Very exciting.

Blue Moon Samara (horse) was born eight days ago and she is totally beautiful. I missed the quick one hour birth because I was napping that afternoon (that was the emotional meltdown day). Her and mum, Chara, are often right outside our door eating grass....Bower loves to entice the new Philly (sp?) into play - its really funny to watch.

Grandpa Jerry with the new arrival, Blue Moon Samara and her mum Chara (half an hour after birth!)

We have also decided to stay on our Island instead of moving to Victoria in the Fall, as we had previously planned. Jordan has switched his school plans and will be continuing this part of his education via correspodence. I would like to go to school as well, but not until Jonas is abit older. I am looking into a total career change and move into health care (one of my other many passions). Not yet though...they could be another little one in the future....(no I am not pregnant again!!)

Actually, I feel really good about staying here. We are surrounded by lots of family and this has proved to be a time that we need to be around them the most. Jonas is spending alot of time with his grandparents and their partners and its very important to me that he continue to be close to them. There is such depth and richness that they add to his life...each relationship is totally unique and special in its own way. I think that Jonas will be a real nature lover - he always seems happiest when outside. Last night when he came home after a long walk with Grandpa Jerry, he was so happy and talkative...he went on and on until we shut off the lights to sleep. Usually he is passed out before we go to bed!

Challenges

Time has gone by so quickly. Where do I start? How many times have I thought, oh, I will write this or that in my blog, but maybe tomorrow...

We are now moved in and settled into the Trailer, or as someone fondly tried to call it 'The Cottage'. From now until Oct our house will be a vacation rental - a great way to take advantage of our beautiful, freshly built home and make a little cash. I was very keen on doing this for the summer, but after spending days and days getting the house ready and organizing our belongings I got really tired and a little depressed. The first day in our new place I had an 'inner' meltdown and really questioned what the hell we were doing. But then after some much needed rest and a little perspective, I came to my senses and remembered that this is what I wanted. I feel incredibly thankful that we can do this, since its Jordan's dads Trailer and rent free! This is the Trailer that Jordan lived in when he was small and his father built his own house (which took 10 years!). So here we are and my mantra for the summer is to live simply.

Being a first time mum, I find myself in a totally new and unknown world. It is a challenge. Sometimes I feel really alone; I have good days and I have bad. Yet when I look into Jonas's eyes I feel so much love and satisfaction. I seem to always catch myself with too high of expectations - I am learning to let things go a little more, to relax a little more. I tell myself its only been 16 weeks and everything will eventually regulate. My moods will smooth over and become more consistent. These last few days have been so grey and rainy and I find myself feeling low as well. Yet last week, the sun was out, we went outdoors and I felt totally rejeuvenated. I realize its all about restructuring my life, almost like a reconstruction. I need to keep working on it and stay conscious of the fact that its a process and that takes time. I don't have to feel lonely or bored when its raining. There are other ways to be. I know that. I just need to get there.